Is There Any Hope?

On Friday, I will walk across the stage at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and receive my Masters of Divinity degree. One of the ways I have benefited most from my education at Southeastern is in the area of biblical counseling. I am indebted to my professors and the authors of the many books I have read for my counseling courses. They have certainly shaped my thinking on this topic a great deal.

My last paper that I wrote for my degree was for a course on counseling parents and children. I chose to write on counseling parents of children who died in infancy or early childhood. I have not included he entire paper below, but rather a summary of some of my thoughts on the issue. These thoughts are not really limited to the specific counseling scenario, but can be applied to suffering in general.

I presented five truths from Scripture that the biblical counselor must help the grieving parent to see in the initial stages of counseling.

1. This is not the way things are supposed to be.

In Genesis 1, we see God create everything and declare it to be very good. There was no pain, sickness, or death prior to the Fall which is recorded for us in Genesis 3. After the Fall, God slaughtered an animal which communicated to Adam and Eve that things were not as they should be. Adam and Eve were once again reminded of this truth when their youngest son murdered their eldest (Gen. 4). The first family knew the pain of losing a child, reminding them that things were not as they should be.

This truth is so important for grieving parents because it reaffirms what they are already feeling. Parents do not expect to bury their child. Affirming this truth from Scripture allows the counselor to grieve with the parents as they mourn the effects of this fallen world. The secular worldview cannot help grieving parents in this way. The best it can do is affirm that death is a part of life. Parents need this truth because they need to know that it is good and right for them to grieve the loss they have experienced.

2. God is good.

This truth is seen throughout the Scriptures. The Psalmist declares that the goodness of God is cause for Thanksgiving (Ps. 136:1). The Psalmist also declares, "For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations" (Ps. 100:5). Job, in the midst of his grief, blessed the name of the Lord because he recognized that the goodness of the Lord had not changed, though his circumstances had changed (Job 1:21). Joseph was able to see the good plan of the Lord despite all of the evil he experienced throughout his life (Gen. 50:20). The goodness of God is a clear teaching of Scripture that must be highlighted for grieving parents.

The biblical counselor will want to set the grieving parent's hope in God as soon as possible. This is best done by reinforcing the goodness of God for the counselee. God may be the farthest thing from the parent's mind at the time. The grieving parent may even be mad at God. He may not feel like God is good. "How could you allow this to happen to my child?" she wonders. The wise counselor will direct the parents' attention away from these questions and onto the goodness of God. While we may not have all of the answers especially concerning how or why this happened, the goodness of God can be clung to as one grieves. The secular worldview can only encourage the counselee to cling to whatever works for her.

3. God loves His saints and children in a special way.

While the previous truth focused more broadly on the character of God, this truth begins to provide specific comfort to the parent. If the parents are believers, they can be directed to the many passages in Scripture that talk about God's special love for His saints. Jesus demonstrates this love in His High Priestly Prayer in John 17 as He prays for all believers everywhere and for all time. There are also many Scriptures that show God's special love for children. Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven" (Matt. 19:14).

The secular counselor once again does not have the ability to root the counselee's hope in God and His love for her and her child. This is unique to the biblical worldview. While the pain of loss is immense, the love of God is even greater. The biblical counselor has the opportunity to be an extension of God's love to parents in the midst of this suffering. The secular counselor can merely try to help the parents cope with the loss.

4. God is able and desires to bring comfort and healing.

Paul, in his second letter to the Corinthians, identifies God as the God of all comfort (2 Cor. 1:3). God is also identified in Scripture as the one who restores, confirms, strengthens, and establishes those who suffer (1 Pet. 5:10). This truth, once again, directs the parents' attention back to God. The secular counselor has no ability to provide this kind of hope. He can be there for the counselee at the height of suffering, but he cannot point to the one who will never leave or forsake His children.

5. There is a long road ahead, but you can trust God.

The secular approach recognizes that grief is a lifelong process that is unique to each person, but it fails to provide any guidance or hope for the future. The only hope it can provide is that the sting of the pain will lessen as time passes. The biblical worldview stands in stark contrast to this perspective. The Apostle Paul wrote, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" (Phil. 4:6). Jesus said that rather than being anxious, one should "seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness" (Matt. 6:33). Though the pain may never lessen, parents can trust that God's grace is always sufficient.

While these truths are not exhaustive or specifically tailored to every situation, they provide a firm foundation on which the biblical counselor can build. The hope of grieving parents must not be in themselves or even in the counselor. They must be told that there is hope for the future, and it is only found as they place her trust in God. This is help that the secular worldview simply cannot provide.